It’s like running conversations through your head. You know, the ones where you wish you hadn’t said what you had said and now you can’t stop thinking about what you should have said. On the other side, I have friends who are good at not holding on to things. They somehow can think their way out. However, as much as I try, I’m a feeler. I think there should be an Al Anon type group for us.
“Hi, my name is Jenna and I’m a feeler. Sometimes, I feel a bit crazy.”
Perhaps that’s what group therapy is.
But here’s the thing. It’s normal. That’s what I wanted to walk over and tell that girl in the parking lot tonight. The one crying on the phone and asking her friend why she couldn't stop.
You’re not crazy. You’re just feeling your heart navigate life a bit. And that’s not such a bad thing.
At some point in culture, we decided that feelings weren’t good anymore, that they were a representation of being weak or for lack of better terms, a nut case. We even went as far to say that feelings were feminine in the worst kind of way, as if to say women nor feelings are rational.
Somehow we forget that the most courageous and righteous man this world has known was a feeler. Jesus had compassion — he felt the wounds of this world deeply and he loved his people. One of the most demonstrative verses of this is John 11:35. It simply says, “Jesus wept.”
We forget this. We put limits on ourselves. We set the timer to 30 minutes and expect to not feel after we hear the buzz. Little did I know that timers were magical. We should start using them for other things as well. Perhaps, the buzzer will go off and my research paper will have magically written itself in 10 minutes. If that seems ridiculous, perhaps it is ridiculous for us to think our feelings and the deep movements within our soul and hearts would work themselves out in a set time as well.
This isn’t to discount the value of letting go or asking God to release your heart and mind of a situation or specific emotion. However, it is a reminder that the deep things of our soul take time. Sometimes they are needed, necessary and good. Sometimes, we need to weep. Perhaps he could be teaching us something through it — perhaps, he is inviting us to love ourselves, feelings and all, in His presence.
What do you need to feel tonight?